Moonlight Phoenix has risen

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Wild Mind: Dying

Today’s writing prompt from Wild Mind: is write everything you know about dying.

It’s interesting that it would be today that I do this particular prompt as Miguel has started the second part of his shamanic training on the Medicine Wheel this year, which is the West, which is all about facing fear and today as part of the training he had to experience himself ‘dying’ in order to be reborn.

Anyway so because of this it has made me think of dying and death a bit recently. I don’t really feel frightened by it, but I don’t really think about it either, I just know it will happen one day. We were talking about the songs we would want played at our funerals and stuff like that. There are two I have thought of:

this is my favourite song ever, and it makes me think of going away to wherever you go, and spending it happy.

Patti Smith as she is one of my biggest inspirations, this is probably one of my favourite songs by her.

“here I go and I don’t know why,
I spin so ceaselessly,
’til I lose my sense of gravity…”

Also whether you would want to be buried or cremated. I always thought I would want to be buried, so there would be a gravestone people could visit me at, but having seen this recently, I want my ashes to be used to help me grow a tree! I’d want to be a willow tree. Maybe with a bench put underneath with a plaque, where people could live flowers if they wanted to. I spotted this the other day when I went for a walk, and I thought it was beautiful. You can’t really see the plaque but it mentions the person spent many happy hours in this garden. How wonderful this bench was put there for this lady.

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I guess I don’t feel afraid of death because of my beliefs. I don’t really believe when we die that we just “go”. I don’t believe in Heaven or Hell either. I believe very much in reincarnation, and that our soul travels from body to body until we reach a life where we reach perfect spiritual enlightenment then we go to the ‘Summerland’ a place where the highest souls go when their work on Earth is done. 

I haven’t experienced much death either really. There are two people in my life that were close to me in some way that have died. My granddad, who died of Cancer. It was so sad to see the life slowly disappearing from him the last time I saw him alive, and the only funeral I have been to (so far). Then a few years ago it was my friend Miranda, she was not even 30 years old. She was found in the river Thames, suspected suicide. I felt so bad as we hadn’t been in touch for a few years, then I found out by seeing her face on the cover of the local paper. I found it really hard to take in for a while. You know this stuff happens, but you never expect it to happen to people in your own life, and then when it does, you don’t know how to feel. I felt numb. You wish you could have helped them.

Death is sad, and devastating, and tragic. It can break your heart and turn your life completely upside down. But if you look at the ‘Death’ card in a tarot pack, it doesn’t just represent endings, it also represents new beginnings. Things eventually end, and not always the way we want it to (in fact most of the time not the way we want it to)! but generally it’s the endings that clears the way for fresh new starts- the caterpillar turns into a butterfly, the duckling turns into a swan, a baby is born…

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Wild Mind: Words

Words I really like: psychedelic, schizophrenic, dream, colour, daze, shamanic, fairy

ordinary words I use all the time and don’t care about: you, I, me, and, because, really, is, and, it

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Wild Mind: At One with the God and Goddess…

Today’s writing prompt is a good one for me to relate to…to write about a time I felt at one with the God and Goddess.

The only trouble I have with this prompt is actually thinking of ONE particular time that stands out as I can think of so many little moments that made me feel that way, and I feel connected every day really! I feel at one with divinity when I watch a candle flame dance, putting me in a trance…I feel at one when I see nature’s wonders like the simple sight of a robin, and hearing it sing it’s pretty song. I feel at one those times when I see a squirrel, and it stops, and looks at me, and we look each other, and it’s like we know each other but we don’t have the words to communicate so we can only speak with our eyes. I felt at one when I made it across the glass walk and I just felt this incredible sense of peace. I’ve even found the connection in the strangest of places. When we went to Hard Rock Hell a few years ago, we went for a walk just off the campsite it was taking place at, and we were on the coast of Wales. It was November, so it was cold, but the sight of the sea was beautiful, and there was fields around us, with sheep! Then we went back into the campsite, and we found a nature park bit inside. It was full of trees. There wasn’t much nature as there had been floods recently. But somehow in that moment, I felt like a child again. Full of wonder and innocence…

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Wild Mind: What I do for myself and everyone..

prompt today: what do you do for everyone and not just for yourself?

I go to work which is for myself and my husband so we can have money to put food on the table and pay our rent. But also I work for my boss and my colleagues as I am a vital part of the pharmacy team. I also work for the patients and customers that come in to help them manage their prescriptions and help them resolve any health issues. I do all this by dispensing people’s prescriptions, ordering them on time, making sure the medicines are on the shelf, getting blister packs done for those who struggle such as the elderly. I help people that want help to give up smoking by seeing them every week and giving them advice and whatever product they want to use to assist them.

I either cook or wash up which is for myself and my husband. I sometimes hoover up or put washing on. I do lots of other household chores. I write which is for myself but hopefully in the long run will be for more people. I run an earth healing group which is for me, other people that want to help the earth and of course for the earth herself. I meditate and journey for myself. I read for myself.

 

I’ve found this prompt a bit boring and am struggling to make it interesting!

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Wild Mind: What will I miss when I die?

Maybe slightly morbid topic but here is ten minutes worth of today’s writing prompt.

 

When I die, I will miss my husband. I will miss waking up next to him in the morning and falling asleep together at night. I will miss my home. I will miss meditating in the mornings. I will miss walking along the brook in the morning and staring in wonder at the robins, the crows, the magpies. I will miss that tree that I pass everyday on the way to work which is always full of little sparrows. I will miss their song. I will miss my friends and my family. I will miss my cats. I will miss reading books, I will miss writing with a pen, and filling up notebooks. I will miss making lists! I will miss my phone and my computer, and all the modern conveniences I’m used to. But I will also miss the wind brushing against my face, rain drops dripping slowly across the window. I will miss the warmth of the summer sun. I will miss the feel of the earth under my feet. I will miss the clouds forming shapes. I will miss the moon and tracking her cycle. I will miss the stars and wishing upon them. I will the poetry and the stories. I will miss words. I will miss pictures. I will miss taking photos and writing in my diary. I will miss music and going to gigs. I will miss now and again having a bit too much to drink or eating a bit more than I should. I will miss tasty vegan food. I will miss going to the railway and to the oaktree. I will miss having a takeaway. I will miss dresses and bracelets and earrings. I will miss talking on the phone. I will miss the ocean and the rivers and the lakes. I will miss light and the darkness of night.

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Fear

Today for my writing prompt I’ve been asked to write about my fears, what disturbs me, what I haven’t been willing to speak about. It’s interesting that this topic has come up today as it has been something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I think I’m slowly but surely losing most of my fears.

Last year I did both a fire walk (which was planned) and a glass walk (which was sprung on me by surprise but I did it) which was probably the start of it really. Then not too long ago, I saw there was going to be an Open Mic night organised by the fantastic Sundown, as part of the Playwright week taking place at a local theatre, and you could read poetry or stories. I thought this sounded interesting, and I thought should I read some of my work? But I was scared. I was scared about standing in front of a crowd. I was scared of slipping over my words. I was scared no one would like my work. I thought maybe I should go just to listen. But something inside me was saying I should take part. I put the question out there to my friends- “Should I?” and a lot of people thought I should. I was at a meeting where I had to speak in front of a large group, I felt uncomfortable. How on earth would I be able to read at an open mic if I got nervous in this setting? One of my friends made a valid point, “But you’ve walked on fire! You can do anything!” Hmmm, maybe it was time I faced this fear.

I put my name forward as you had to book your place in advance, hoping maybe they were already full. I got a reply very quickly. I was in, and I was reassured that a lot of people would be in a similar situation, reading for the first time. I had to go through with it now. I confirmed it to my friends and lots of people showed support and wanted to come along.

Not everybody could make it on the night, but there was still quite a few that did. I wondered on the day whether I had made the right decision- the right poems, was it right to go ahead with it at all? My stomach was full of butterflies all day.

I got to the venue and one of my friends was already there. Another friend showed up soon after. Then the ‘performers’ were called up to where the open mic was going to be. I felt queasy. I found more of my friends inside and some were also reading. We were told that that we had 5 minutes each and we would get called up. I tried to look at the list, I could see I wasn’t very far down but I couldn’t see exactly what time I had been put in for. Some people didn’t turn up anyway so it probably wouldn’t have made a difference if I had known. I watched the amazing Sundown poets, then I started to feel sick, as people went up and I knew it would be getting to me soon.

Then it came, they called my name.

Now I knew I wasn’t playing a game.

This was real, this wasn’t a dream.

I felt my legs shake, as I got to the mic

Holding my poems, I read each word out loud

Trying not to look at the crowd

I read one, then another

They clapped, and I sat

It was all over

I could breathe again.

I could now enjoy the other performers work more fully. When it was the break, all my friends came and hugged me. It wasn’t really as bad as I thought…

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Wild Mind: Jumble…

Fragments of memories of last night return in a haze

she is I, and she is you

the heroine of lyrical content

positive vibes encased

You can push through those rocks just like the river.

the sky was his refuge

a deaf kiss plays us out

(a selection of random lines from things I’ve written put in an order that pleases me)

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Wild Mind: I want to write about..

15 minutes beginning with ‘I want to write about’

I want to write about spirituality and love. I want to write about magic and faeries. I want to write something that will make adults believe in these things again. I want to write something that makes people feel connected with nature and the Earth again. I want to write about all the incredible beauty in the world which is there all around us, every day even when we don’t expect it. I want to write about synchronicity and fate and destiny. I want to write about how life starts properly when you least expect it. I want to write about all the amazing people I’ve met recently like the women who are part of the Southend Passionate Women group, and the ladies I met last night at the Goddess group, one of which was a trained Avalon Priestess. Another helps people to read in prison, and the other was a therapist. I’ve met people who have achieved their dreams including writing and publishing a book. I’ve met someone who not only puts on art shows but also runs an event here in Southend for International Women’s day in March called The Purple Parade. I want to write about all my dreams and wishes. I want to write about how life doesn’t have to drain you, but can inspire and enliven you. I want to write about how much I’ve changed over the years. I want to write about walking on hot coals, and broken glass and not hurting my feet. I want to be able to put into words how amazing that felt, the elation of making it across a fire walk, and the incredible sense of peace and tranquillity I felt after making it across the glass walk.

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Wild Mind: Line by Line

I listened to the empty silence. Somehow it made me feel full, like a vase full of blooming flowers. Alive and beautiful. It felt good and refreshing. This was the day I was going to start anew. Life was gathering pace, and I was finally beginning to catch up with it. After what had felt like forever trying to catch up, it was an exciting, thrilling feeling to know I could now get on with my life the way it was destined to be. Yes this was my destiny, or was it fate? I wasn’t sure but either way it was right. This very moment was what mattered. This space, this sound of silence, this sense of peace. Right now, I felt alive and this was all that mattered.

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Wild Mind: Sleep

What can I write about sleep?

Mostly for me I have to say it comes quite easily. I get tired quite early in the evening, probably as I start very early at work (8am) and then mostly I sleep right through, and on the weekends I will sleep until 8 or 9, but more often than not, I go to bed about the same time. I’m like clockwork really! But saying that I do have odd periods of time where I do have trouble sleeping. Times when I find myself waking up several times in the night and not feeling like I’ve had any sleep. At those times I’ve had to resort to herbal nytol to help me. It doesn’t happen too often though.

I guess the only thing that does annoy me is that I don’t remember my dreams. I will often remember the fact that I did dream but I can’t remember what about. Usually when I do remember dreams, it’s the very mundane or just simply odd ones, like last night I dreamt of a couple who were recording a TV show, the wife was filming and the husband was doing all these extreme sports…no I don’t know either.

Apart from that I don’t have a lot to write about sleep. I like to sleep on the same side of the bed, but everyone has a side of the bed right…?

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