Moonlight Phoenix has risen

music, feminism, spirituality, words and more

Fear

on February 9, 2014

Today for my writing prompt I’ve been asked to write about my fears, what disturbs me, what I haven’t been willing to speak about. It’s interesting that this topic has come up today as it has been something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I think I’m slowly but surely losing most of my fears.

Last year I did both a fire walk (which was planned) and a glass walk (which was sprung on me by surprise but I did it) which was probably the start of it really. Then not too long ago, I saw there was going to be an Open Mic night organised by the fantastic Sundown, as part of the Playwright week taking place at a local theatre, and you could read poetry or stories. I thought this sounded interesting, and I thought should I read some of my work? But I was scared. I was scared about standing in front of a crowd. I was scared of slipping over my words. I was scared no one would like my work. I thought maybe I should go just to listen. But something inside me was saying I should take part. I put the question out there to my friends- “Should I?” and a lot of people thought I should. I was at a meeting where I had to speak in front of a large group, I felt uncomfortable. How on earth would I be able to read at an open mic if I got nervous in this setting? One of my friends made a valid point, “But you’ve walked on fire! You can do anything!” Hmmm, maybe it was time I faced this fear.

I put my name forward as you had to book your place in advance, hoping maybe they were already full. I got a reply very quickly. I was in, and I was reassured that a lot of people would be in a similar situation, reading for the first time. I had to go through with it now. I confirmed it to my friends and lots of people showed support and wanted to come along.

Not everybody could make it on the night, but there was still quite a few that did. I wondered on the day whether I had made the right decision- the right poems, was it right to go ahead with it at all? My stomach was full of butterflies all day.

I got to the venue and one of my friends was already there. Another friend showed up soon after. Then the ‘performers’ were called up to where the open mic was going to be. I felt queasy. I found more of my friends inside and some were also reading. We were told that that we had 5 minutes each and we would get called up. I tried to look at the list, I could see I wasn’t very far down but I couldn’t see exactly what time I had been put in for. Some people didn’t turn up anyway so it probably wouldn’t have made a difference if I had known. I watched the amazing Sundown poets, then I started to feel sick, as people went up and I knew it would be getting to me soon.

Then it came, they called my name.

Now I knew I wasn’t playing a game.

This was real, this wasn’t a dream.

I felt my legs shake, as I got to the mic

Holding my poems, I read each word out loud

Trying not to look at the crowd

I read one, then another

They clapped, and I sat

It was all over

I could breathe again.

I could now enjoy the other performers work more fully. When it was the break, all my friends came and hugged me. It wasn’t really as bad as I thought…

Image

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

dontbeanostrich

if you bury your head in the sand to avoid the rain youll never see the rainbow when the sun shines again

ThriveTrue

May we Thrive True, Open, & Free in Harmony

The Genderfluid Experience

Not confused....just fluid!

Wandering Wives

A Comedy Lesbian Travel Blog

The Vegan Lily

Because My Body Will Not Be A Tomb For Animals

artemis muses

It's all about the hunt

The journey of eclectic pagan teen

my experience exploring my path of an eclectic pagan and spirtuality

Pagan Approach

Discussing spirituality and the secrets of the Universe

Hike Our Planet - @HikeOurPlanet

Lee Hiller Photography - Exploring Nature One Step At A Time

Katzenworld

Welcome to the world of cats!

Simply Marquessa

Life is just a story. And I've got a pen.

wisermonkeys

poetry, prose and occasional thoughts.

Southend Soup

Chat. Connect. Create.

Catherine Elms

Dark cabaret singer-songwriter and pianist from Swansea, UK

Maral Cavner

A Graduate of Emory University in Atlanta

Born to be Jetthead

It's not an obsession, it's a calling. :)

Spirituality Exploration Today

Delving into the cross roads of rationality and intuition

Eric Carlson (awolsurfer)

Building a Business While Still Having a Life...

%d bloggers like this: