June 2017 Look back

beyond the half way point of the year and have to admit I am finding this year hard…So many things have happened and my emotions have been running high…I hope I can find some solace soon…

but anyway here is here I got on with my goals for the year during the month of June..

Happiness/Divine Feminine/Balance- did do a few small things that made me happy but it’s never for long at the moment..

still haven’t cooked more..

to have new experiences and visit new places- I went on an organised butterfly walk and I hadn’t done that before..

step fully into my role as a healer- no clients at all 😦

activism- started sending news bits to Animal Justice project. My first news article is here

be better at birthdays- no

finish my lists- no

update on giving up the pill- it’s now 3 months since I stopped, this time I got quite stressed as I didn’t bleed until after 33 days. It’s still very light but not very painful. I think partly stress made me start later but also I turned 33 a few days before so maybe there’s something in the number…

make more time for creativity- sort of. I did ’30 Days Wild’ again this year so I was posting a photo every day on Instagram.

to live to my cycle and educate others- I had the 2nd red tent, which went better, I had 4 women turn up, I gave them ‘cauldron energisers’ (womb energiser), we did womb journalling questions, and a meditation for empowerment.

What else happened and I got up to:

I think I mentioned last month that I had some ‘big’ homework from the shamanic group I’m in to do city vision quests, where you had to walk in each direction and have certain questions in mind to find the answers to. I did the last 2 directions of those so that was very interesting.

I voted…

Red Tent..

had a whole horrible situation with our cat Mitzi…I wrote in previous blog so I won’t go over that again…but no longer have any cats 😦

I had organised a social here in Southend for the shamanic groups only a few days later but sadly only one person showed up…although it was a nice day..

I had some time off as it was my birthday..My friend Lauren treated me to a meal at The oaktree which was lovely (I had a lasagne and an icecream sundae), I sorted out some bits at home I needed to do, I went to see my friend Helene’s choir at Leigh Folk festival, went to a summer solstice ritual at hockley woods and on my birthday I went for organised butterfly walk at Belfairs woods which was brilliant, we saw 14 species of butterfly ❤ also had a private yoga lesson.

so July…two shamanic weekends away coming and starting to give the munay ki…

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Mitzi

It really saddens me that I am already writing another sad post. Nearly a week ago now we had to say goodbye to our other dear cat, Mitzi.

We got Mitzi probably about 6 months after we got Roxie and it seems they left us almost 6 months apart as well. Mitzi had been with us almost as long as Roxie. We picked her out of a friend’s litter as the slightly strange one.

Mitzi had a totally different personality to Roxie. Mitzi didn’t like to be picked up (apart from by Miguel and even that was fairly shortlived mostly) and was quite fussy about who could pay attention to her and about her food. She was a very healthy cat apart from having an allergy to fleas and having problems with too much wax in her ears for a little while.

As she got older, she mellowed out somewhat and liked more attention. When Roxie went, she became even more vocal (she was quite vocal before), didn’t mind being picked up so much anymore, would want a LOT of attention and would cry sometimes in the night. She had a funny personality as she occasionally would have a moment where she would just go crazy for a few moments, or do silly things like trying to chase a rock around on the balcony!

It was a totally different situation this time as it had been for Roxie, as Mitzi had been very healthy. Sadly she had an accident that turned out to be fatal in the end. She got her tail caught in our balcony door and part of her tail came right off. I was totally ignorant as I thought the vets would probably just bandage her up or something (she seemed totally okay other than the small bit of bone poking out at the end of her tail) but then he said she would need a tail amputation and because of her age (14 so classed as elderly) she would need quite a lot of other things to help her through the operation, he quoted me £1300! My face dropped as we had nowhere near that amount of money. He was very nice and called some other vets for me, but it was all too expensive. He said  he would give her a couple of injections and that I would have 24 hours to do something about it, to call round and see if I could get a cheaper quote or a payment plan (which wasn’t ideal for us right now either) as after 24 hours it would become an animal welfare issue. Or he said failing that he could do a cheaper operation which only uses a localised anaesthetic but there would be a very high risk attached of problems soon afterwards. I was a bit overwhelmed as I had gone on my own thinking it would be something simple.

so obviously I had to break all this to Miguel and we had to think really seriously about it, we didn’t want there to be more risks, and not only was a payment plan not possible for us right now but at Mitzi’s age it would have been very difficult for her to go through all this trauma and perhaps not be able to live her last remaining years to the fullest, so we had to speak to a few other people first to get other opinion’s but sadly in the end we had to make the hardest decision of them all to have her put to sleep, we had to put Mitzi’s comfort first. So the following day we spent a lot of time saying goodbye before we took her to the vets again. Our friend Roberta took us to Two Tree Island again and she is now with Roxie again.

I have found it so hard as now the flat is empty and yesterday was the first day I hadn’t cried since last Friday but I know I’m not finished yet. But I am trying to comfort myself with my memories of what a lovely cat she was ❤ and that she is now able to run free on the rainbow bridge..

 

 

Roxie

So it’s now been just over four months since our very dear cat Roxie went to the rainbow bridge. I’ve been wanting to blog about her for a long time since it happened, but it hit me hard and it’s taken me a long time to feel like I was at a space where I could write about her without feeling the pain. Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts, but the hurting is less as I’m now accepting that she is no longer part of our lives.

I can’t remember the exact date we got Roxie, but I think I was about 20 years old when we got her (I’m nearly 33 now). She was a surprise. We were thinking of getting a cat but hadn’t really been looking properly just yet when my old school friend Leigh Anne one day turned up with this fluffy bundle at our doorstep and said she was ours. Roxie was a long haired tabby cat with an extremely fluffy tail that was like a squirrel’s. She didn’t have a name yet and Miguel let me choose. I was still doing my radio show ‘Pigtails and Army Boots’ at the time so I wanted to name her after a female musician, so I named her Roxie after the singer Roxy Saint.

It was only a few months later that we got another cat, through a colleague of Miguel’s. Her cat had just had kittens and she was looking for new homes, knowing I would love a black cat, we went and picked one out. I remember her being a little shyer than the others, but we both decided she was the one. As I had named Roxie, Miguel could name this little bundle and she became Mitzi.

At first they didn’t get along at all! and we completely ignored the rule book and didn’t put them separate or anything. Eventually the scrapping died down and they became reluctant friends.

Roxie and Mitzi became part of the family.  If you wanted to be friends with us, you had to make friends with them too! Mitzi was (not so much now but more on that later) much her own cat, you couldn’t pick her up (apart from Miguel) and she rarely sat on laps, and was also very fussy about food. Roxie was the complete opposite. She loved attention, would jump on laps at any opportunity and loved her food!

I don’t know if it was because I named her or some coincidence but it always felt like somehow Roxie was more ‘my’ cat than Miguel’s. There was some bond there that I can’t explain.

Roxie and Mitzi were with us through all sorts of transitions, moving homes several times, difficult times, and good times including when we got married. I’ve never had children and this was the closest thing I’ve ever had.

A lot of people say that cats don’t care, are not very loving as so independent. My experience is different. Yes to some degree they are certainly independent and can take care of themselves, but our cats have always shown affection and love, and Roxie sure did.

It hit me so hard when she had to be put to sleep back in December, it really was like losing a family member. I’ve lost pets before, but this time it was different, Roxie was ‘mine’ not a family pet and we had watched her grow up, and unfortunately saw her get very ill right at the end. I’m so glad we could bury her in a lovely spot on Two Tree Island overlooking Hadleigh Castle. I’m also so grateful to our friend Sherry who helped us out so much that day.  I will always remember her for what a truly beautiful loving cat she was. Her chaos in the morning when food was imminent, her big fluffy tail and the many, many cuddles.

Mitzi is still with us of course and I think she misses Roxie somewhat still, she’s become much more of a lap cat now (although still not too fond of being picked up) and sometimes she cries in the night, (and is perfectly fine if we come to check). I’m not sure if it’s because she misses Roxie’s company (despite their love/hate relationship I think there was some level of love there) or whether she senses her spirit. She won’t sit in a certain spot where Roxie always used to sit, and sometimes we could swear we see her.

Wherever you are now Roxie, know that we will always remember and love you ❤