Hayley- Moon and Womb Medicine Woman

Divine Feminine Magic, Shamanism, and General Witchy Hippy Vibes!

The Power in Our Blood

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Spring Equinox and Water

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I have been marking the wheel of the year through my circle and media channels since Samhain, and with each season we have worked with a different element. Samhain- Fire, Winter Solstice- Earth, Imbolc- Air and now Spring Equinox with water. After begin Air season we had many storms and now we are water, we are in a midst of a worldwide pandemic and being told to wash our hands at every opportunity.

Spring equinox is the balance between the dark and the light, and new beginnings as the flowers begin to bloom and new life is appearing. This also seems somewhat apt in the current climate to me, as it seems we are on literally seeing the divide between the dark and the light, not just outside ourselves but within. I have probably seen in myself every kind of emotion possible in the last few weeks- I have been angry, sad, depressed, confused, but also at times hopeful, positive, happy, determined. There are people stealing from food banks, and standing outside retail shops (including the one I work in) pretending to cough and laughing. On the other hand there is much kindness around, people setting up groups to help others, communities coming together online as they can’t do it in person. I am still very much jumping between every emotion on the spectrum, but I do also really believe that when this eventually finishes there will be a new beginning of some sort, I’m just not sure what.

We did the women’s circle online this week for the first time ever over skype. It actually worked really well. To honour the season we each made special flower water to send love to ourselves, others and the planet. We envisioned the bowls coming together with our indiviual blends and when I looked up the symbolic meanings of what we had all put in it seemed very apt for now.

Sending a lot of love to everyone right now, we’re in this together even if we’re apart.

 

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Poetry Dowsing Week Seven

Note: This follows on from a series of blogs I’ve been writing. following my progress of a creative course I am taking part in. If you haven’t been reading my previous blogs and are interested to know what it is I’m doing, please read my first blog about it here

The focus for Week Seven was ‘Uncovering a Sense of Resilience’. So this week when I felt I was failing or not doing so good, I would have to remember dark/hard times I’ve managed to get through in the past. To remember my own strength to overcome fear, stress, pain etc.

For the ‘Dowsing’ Exercise this week, we had to think of those who we turn to for support when we need them. Then think of qualities and traits those people have that you appreciate. Remembering this list when things get tough. I have a lot of friends but not many I have really close friendships with, and no one at this time I would consider a ‘best friend’ (I did have but sadly I recently had to let go of that relationship) but there are people I do feel I can talk to, that’s a good thing of being part of a larger shamanic community. As we’re all going through the same process (in our case of the Peruvian medicine wheel), we tend to support each other when it’s needed. My supportive friends are from this community and the Moon Mother community, also the wider spiritual community. I appreciate friends who listen as well as talk, who are patient, understanding and kind.

The walk this week was in nature briefly with a friend yesterday, I went to visit her in her area to give her some help with job hunting, she knew I was feeling a bit low, so before getting to the work bit, we had a walk in a nearby National Trust site with a lovely flowing river and plenty of trees, and both talked out things that were on our mind.

My artist date was listening to music, and I did the morning pages everyday although I almost didn’t yesterday, but in the end I just did them later in the morning than usual.

I managed to write two poems this week, the first one I’m really pleased with, the second I’m only sharing on this blog for now as it feels very vulnerable and exposing for me.

Dancing with my shadow 💙
I see the side of me that’s been hidden
Hidden in the dark
Out of sight out of mind
Locked up emotions
Not to be acknowledged
It’s not ladylike to be angry
She never says anything
We can walk all over her
But the shadow and I now dance
A dance to embrace it all
A salsa and a tango
With a side of ballroom to go
We dance step by step
The shadow and the light
Acknowledging all that is
Becoming whole
Seeing the truth of who I am
A real and vulnerable soul
Can’t always be good
Can’t always be bad
Just have to to be complete
Forever dancing with my shadow 💙
Dancing for all eternity
Becoming true and free
Dancing with my shadow 💙
Because it’s the best way to be
To navigate this jungle of illusion we call life
No need to fear
Otorongo is on our side
She’s got my back
As I dance with my shadow 💙
Twirling round and round
The journey never ends
The wheel ever turning
Bringing me back to my self

2nd Poem
I feel like I’m falling falling
into a trap
of my own self creation
putting the blinkers on
Not seeing the truth
Hiding from what’s inside
Falling Falling
Into a rhythm
Of emotional breakdowns
Puncuated by Breakthroughs
I want to be strong
but sometimes I am weak
Knowing what to do
but blocking myself.
I need your help
Can’t you see
I know it’s all about me
But please help me to be free
Help me to find the key
of understanding life’s emotional rollercoaster
sometimes not even knowing
what it’s all about
I need to find my own feet
and sleep so deep
That I can wake up as a new born
Seeing life for the first time
For the first time
for what it truly is
Remembering all there is now
Joy is not found in the past or the future
Time to live in the present
It takes time to be truly alive
Now I know the secret
The falling’s not so hard
and just a part of this beautiful mess called life
Thank you for catching me
Holding me when I’ve needed it the most
A solid foundation is what we have
underneath the occassional tremor
We know what we have is true
No matter what
I will hold space for you
as you hold it for me
Together we watch the wheel turn
even when we’re not facing in the same direction
we’re heading for the same destination
the heart is stronger than the head
Let’s hold each other tight
we’ll soon forget the fight
no need to be afraid
our souls are tied like a braid
I feel like I’m falling falling
this time in deeper love with you.

 

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Poetry Dowsing Week Five

*Note: This follows on from my previous blogs about Week, 1, 2, 3 and 4. To read more about the creative self care program I am taking part in, see my first post here

After a very successful week last week (two poems written, artist date and walk completed), this week wasn’t quite as successful, but I am reminding myself that this program is about self care as well as creativity, so working hard not to beat myself up about not completing everything.

The theme for this week was ‘Uncovering a Sense of Autonomy’, to be honest I’d heard the word before but didn’t really know what it meant. It was explained that it’s about making your own decisions, not letting others influence them. In thinking about this subject, I realised that this is actually a really difficult one for me. I’m really bad at making decisions and I often leave them to other people. I’m embarassed to admit that (and it’s the first time I am really admitting it out loud, as I have tried to cover it up for a long time) that I formed an addiction to using a pendulum. And I was using it for some really silly things as well. This year one of my intentions was to stop using it for this purpose and am pleased to say apart from a few days at the beginning of the year, I have kept it a bit out of sight, and have managed not to use it, but the temptation is there often. But not only in this way, in so many ways and I didn’t realise how much of a problem I have with this until I started thinking about this deeply. So this subject was good for me to have those realisations and start making moves to heal this indecisiveness within.

The exercise was a really fun one, to ‘binge watch’ either comedy films, or a series, as long as it was funny. Unfortunely, I didn’t get round to doing this, but I am planning to do this on another occassion, hopefully this week.

My walk was another forced one, as yesterday the trains were having engineering works again, so I had to walk to the bus stop (which is further away than the train station) in the almighty winds and rain as I had to work and then on the way home as well.

My artist date this week was reading again, this time reading in a nice hot bath.

I managed my Morning Pages everyday again even when I left them last minute, I still managed to do them. No poems this week. I guess the main learning from this week/success, was identifying my autonomy issue and now taking the steps to work on this.

 

 

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Poetry Dowsing Week Four

This follows on from my previous posts about the last month that I have been taking part in a poetry dowsing course/program, to read more about what I’m doing- see my first post here

This post is about my progress from Week 4, which has been quite successful overall!

The subject of Week 4 was Uncovering A Sense Of Balance, so gently recognising where we’re out of imbalance and correcting ourselves. This came at a good time really for me, as I have been feeling out of balance, and I still do but at least I am aware and working towards rectifying it. I’ve been really exhausted, it’s like I’ve suddenly noticed that I recently moved house, but also transfered to another store for my work as well. I tried to begin balancing myself out a bit by not beating myself up about not doing things when I felt tired, but letting myself take it easy instead.

The exercise for this week was to take time out and in a place you feel peaceful, with a notebook or sketchbook to write down any thoughts. It was also about using this time to come back to yourself, so if you’re feeling out of balance, you can recall the peaceful feelings you had when you did the exercise. I’ve just done it today (the last day of week 4 for me) I didn’t go alone but I went with my husband to the local Wanstead Flats and let the breeze clear any cobwebs and I felt trickles of words start to filter through my brain, so came home, made some Ceremonial Cacao, and wrote the poem that had started to form.

For my walk this week it also took place at Wanstead Flats with my husband and also a friend.

I looked up ideas for an Artist Date this time and this helped me get it out of my head that it had to be about going out. I had an evening on my own this week so it was a great opportunity, so I was happy this week to spend time curled up in bed reading a book! I’m reading Let’s Get Lost by Sarra Manning that’s an young adult fiction I think., but I’m enjoying it and it’s bringing up some stuff from my past and school days in some ways for me to look at.

I did my morning pages everyday during Week 4 and even better I’ve wrote two poems this week! (so three so far during the course, the first on Week 1) So here are the two said poems.

Arms Flaying
Hips Swaying
to the sound of the Central Line
leaning right in the corner of the door
this handrail is strengthening my core
squeezed in tight
Just getting on was a fight
Please use all available space
This is a passenger race
This train is about to depart
Where is your heart?
There’s rarely offering of seats
Just the sound of headphone beats
Minding the closing doors please
Quick to that seat before anyone sees
See it Say it Sorted
Spot Snoring Sleepers
and imagine who will be writing a ‘Rush Hour Crush’
or who like me,
is discreetly writing poetry onto their phone
somehow finding inspiration in the daily commute
even in Peak Time
because even when I’m pretending to be a sardine
the words are there
just waiting to be laid bare…

Searching For Snowdrops
I’m searching for Snowdrops
on Brigid’s Day
Hoping to Find her Flame
Reigniting what was lost
Time now for life restored
I’m searching for Snowdrops
White Pearls of Wisdom
That Come from Within
It’s all just a reflection
Simply a Recollection
of our missing Soul pieces
Unravelling so we can see
Who is this person we call me?
I’m searching for Snowdrops
In the Wild Spaces of Imbolc
Time to set me free
to be who I’m meant to be
Stepping into the power
In  this sacred hour
I’m Searching for Snowdrops
on Brigid’s Day
Hoping to find her flame
only to find the flame burns inside
it just needs to be reignited…
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Poetry Dowsing Week Three

This follows on from my previous blogs about Week One and Week Two 

Here’s my progress from Week Three.

Week Three was about Uncovering a Sense of Support. By really noticing who in our lives supports us and our art, and those who don’t. This also went into accounts we look at on social media, to stop looking at those that bring us down and look at those that lift us up. This is something I do consciously try to do anyway, but I also need to do a lot of clearing of my social media accounts at the moment. Earlier in the year I had a Facebook friend ‘cull’ and over the past week I have been whittling down my Instagram account as well.

The exercise for the week was to set a small goal towards one of those creative projects we’ve been putting off possibly due to fear/anxiety etc from our Inner Censors. I decided I would look again at the book I haven’t been working on ‘Tales From the Fire’, I didn’t do any work on it, but decided my small gentle goal would be to go back and just see where I got to do with it.

This week my walk was kind of by accident, as there were problems with the train this weekend that I take part of the way to work so I had to take a bus part way which turned out to be a 10 minute walk from my house (rather than 5 to the train station) and then on the way home it turned out that a football match had been on so when I got to Stratford it was rammed and loads of sections were blockaded so I couldn’t go out the right exit for my bus stop, instead having to take a long way round. Unfortunately it wasn’t an enjoyable walk!

I didn’t do an Artist Date on my own but I did do one and it was a proper going out one this time! I took my husband to see School of Rock the Musical for his birthday! It was a lot of fun and really enjoyable.

I only missed one day of the Morning Pages but again didn’t manage to write any poetry sadly.

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Poetry Dowsing Week Two

Following on from my blog about Week One (you can read the full description of what I’m doing in that post)

Here’s my brief post about Week Two of the process.

Week Two was about ‘Uncovering a Sense of Reality’ it did feel a bit like that, as the week fell just as we had moved into a new house, so a lot of the week was spent sorting out our stuff, and also getting used to the area and all those very grounded things.

The task was to think about our ‘Inner Censor’ that voice in your head that stops you from your creative work as it’s not good enough etc, and to turn it into something really silly, by drawing a picture of what it would look like (I’m using it here as not to personify it)! and finding an image in a magazine to represent it. I drew a very unartistic cartoon and find an image of an angry/critical looking woman to represent the Inner Censor. (which I now can’t find so that’s a good thing right)?

As I was still in awkward circumstances (what with having just moved) for my walk I had a walk to see what the local shops were, although having said that we now have a lovely wide open space called Wanstead Flats near by and during that week I went for a short walk there and a longer walk, which was lovely- saw squirrels, parakeets, a robin and a lake filled with geese, swans and moorhens.

I had to do an amended artist date again, so once again I didn’t get to go out to do one, but I spent time learning about the life of P.B Shelley, the writer of some of my favourite poetry and he turned out to have a very interesting life, sadly drowning at the age of 29.

Sadly I didn’t write any poetry last week but I managed to do my morning pages daily as well as all of the above.

 

 

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Poetry Dowsing Week One

Last year I spent a lot of time joining various ‘challenges’ from Instagram, various websites I get emails from, Facebook etc. However I found that I was joining a lot of them, but a lot of the time not actually taking fully part in any of them. So one of my intentions I set for this year that I would stop spreading myself so thin and still join challenges etc that called, but just ONE at a time and fully focus on that one. So in December last year I saw that one of my favourite websites that isn’t social media Mookychick had an article up saying about a course/program for 12 weeks starting in January, that would be focusing on self care and filling our ‘creative well’, it resonated loudly and I knew this would be the first one of the year. As one of my other intentions of the year was to get a bit more back in touch with my creative side as well.

The course is called ‘Poetry Dowsing’ and is based on a book by Julia Cameron called ‘Finding Water’ , I haven’t read this particular book but have read other books by her and loved them. The good thing is Mookychick have made the course as such that it’s helpful if you have the book but you don’t have to have it. I don’t have it although I make a purchase later as I’m interested to read.

The premise is pretty simple. Each of the 12 weeks has a theme and an associated exercise. In each week you also do creative self care activities that Julia Cameron recommends (also in her book The Artist’s Way, which I have read several times). So everyday you do something called Morning Pages. Each morning you write 3 pages, of just whatever comes out basically. It works as a ‘brain dump’ if you like, kind of a release each morning before you settle into the rhythm of the day. This isn’t perfect writing by all means. It’s not even recommended you read them until the end of the 12 weeks. You also have at least one walk a week, wherever you like, for at least 30 minutes. The other thing is an ‘artist date’ once a week, you take yourself on a date once a week, doesn’t have to necessarily be creative but something that will bring you joy and potentially inspiration. Mookychick have kindly made some adjustments to these practices to be more inclusive, like mindfulness meditation instead of a walk if that’s not possible for you.

The first week was about Optimism. The task was to look for 5 beautiful things around you that week even if they were simple. The first week I was in the middle of moving house so it was quite difficult, but my 5 things were: the full moon, a white rose bouquet being carried on the tube, flowers in Morrisons, a little yellow flower outside a tall building and I saw a heart chalkboard that had been thrown into the rubbish outside a block of flats and found it beautiful somehow:

heartthrown

That week for my walk I simply walked to the nearby train station and back, and for my ‘date’- I had no time to go out of my own for anything so I made one of the adjustments suggested and simply looked through the Instagram of an artist I enjoy called Jessica Perlstein.

I thought there was something poetic about the heart in the bin, so already I had found some poetry with the ‘dowsing’! Here it is: (I shared this previous post as well but here it is again anyway)!

The heart cannot be thrown away
With all it’s marks and damage
You can try to ignore it
But the heart is solid
And will not simply go away
The heartbeat is always there ❤️
No matter how much your heart is breaking 💔
The heart is keeping you alive
Even when you feel like you’re dying inside
The beat goes on
In an eternal rhythm
Inside your heart
There is always hope
Hope for another day
The heart knows you will find another way
The heart cannot be thrown away
Whatever abuse you’ve suffered
The heart only knows love
And will love you no matter what
So trust the rhythm of your heart
Know that the clouds will pass
Even if it takes some time
Just listen to your heart
Beating no matter what happens
You cannot throw the heart away

I’m pretty proud of it! and looking forward to seeing any other inspiration that comes my way. I’m about midway through week 2 now, I will try to keep a record on here of how I’m getting on each week. If you fancy joining take a look here at the initial post on Mookychick. If you use Twitter they are sharing using hashtag #poetrydowsing I’m not on Twitter so just sharing any work here, Facebook and Instagram.

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Cacao Days 2 and 3

This blog continues from my previous blog about the Cacao dieta I am currently taking part in. Here is a brief rundown of how it went for days two and three.

Day Two

Day two I read a lot of conflicting information online about dosage so I started to have a doubt that maybe I had overdosed myself the previous day (although I was fine and journeyed very deep). So this time I cut up five teaspoons of the cacao instead of six and out in even less Cayenne, but a teaspoon of rose water and a bit of stevia.  Again, I cleansed with aqua de florida beforehand, set my intentions and opened space. I made using the same method making it in the cup.

I drank and then journeyed as I did on Day 1 using the same playlist I had found on Youtube. This time I didn’t journey as deep. I felt pain down my right side of my body which stopped me feeling fully comfortable. I did feel healing going on on in my solar plexus like a spiral cleansing, and I was aware it was tied into body shame. But I struggled to stay in the journey. There was no wish to move this time or to write, or anything, I felt a bit despondent after the journey.

 

Day 3

So yesterday I wanted to journey deep like I did on Day 1 so I tried to think of factors that may have had an effect- the dose? when I ate? the amount of cayenne or rose?? There were a few things that might have made a difference.

So I decided to leave it at least an hour after eating and did six teaspoons again as I did on Day 1. I put a little less rose (like half a teaspoon) but the same amount of cayenne so the taste would not be too spicy but just enough to have a nice spice to it to help the cacao to work. I used the same methods again the setting of the intentions and making the cacao the same way. The taste was probably the best one I’ve made so far.

I journeyed again, this time I would say it was deeper than Day 2 bit still not as deep as Day 1. So I still need to work out the variables that made it so good that day and experiment with other ways in the remaining days of the dieta.

I didn’t journey very deep too quickly but I gave myself longer to settle and eventually a deeper journey came. I felt it working on healing on my heart once again and also on my throat, I coughed a lot which I took as a sign of the clearing I was processing.

I think there was a lot more to the journey I don’t remember even when I intially wrote it down as it faded from my conciousness pretty quickly but I saw one of my shamanic teachers who showed me my own personal tree which he said I was ready to see now as I am growing more wise and more powerful and said I am getting closer to creating my own form of medicine. I also felt very in my body.

I’m not sure how I am going to approach today to try to repeat the journey of Day 1 but may be time to start trying some other ways of doing it.

I’m not sure if it’s because of the medicine but a few emotional triggers/ situations have arisen bringing up a lot of emotions for me at the moment.

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Cacao Dieta Day 1

So cacao as a plant medicine is not something I’ve given much thought to before. I have experienced a few ceremonies and while they were pleasant I never really got anything very deep out of them. I had also never thought of working with it myself especially as there seems to be a lot of people doing cacao ceremonies out- so seems like a somewhat saturated market,

However having said all this, a month or so ago, the spirit of cacao came into my consciousness and she was inviting me to work with her. I wasn’t really sure much about what this would involve or how I could learn to work with it. By some divine timing a message popped up on the shamanic What’s App community group chat I’m part of asking if anyone knew if there were courses about holding cacao ceremonies. From this there was a number of replies, some about possible trainings, links to where to buy it and all sorts of advice. A good friend of mine on the group suggested a ‘dieta’ with the cacao to work with the spirit and communicate with the plant itself to get a more personal understanding. This resonated deeply with me. A ‘dieta’ is traditionally done in places such as Peru, where you work with the plant by ingesting it daily over a period of time. From this I started to do my research about how to prepare cacao and plan my dieta.

I decided I would like to start on Winter Solstice weekend- I started yesterday December 21st 2019 and will continue for  days, having one cup a day, doing my own personal ceremony. Another friend of mine sells Ecuadorian Ceremonial Grade Cacao on her website The Shipibo Market so I bought a few bags from her. (for those not in the know for ceremonial use you must get cacao that is ceremonial grade). I also got some rose water as I read it’s quite nice flavour to put in, and Cayenne Pepper as the spice helps the cacao to work and helps it to get into the system quicker.

So yesterday was my first day as a complete beginner of preparing cacao. I put myself in a ceremony/ritual setting first by cleansing myself with some rose aqua de florida water, and then opening space, calling the directions and Peruvian animal archetypes to be with me and provide protection. I then prepared the Cacao. I have noted a few different methods I have found online, which seemed to be the simplest and didn’t involve too much equipment to try and make the process as easy as possible. Yesterday I decided to try a method making the Cacao directly into the cup ready to drink as found on Amor Cacao Facebook page.

First I measured put six teaspoons of the cacao onto a chopping board (please be advised to look into what dose suits you, I am not a professional and you may need a lower dose), luckily the cacao block was already quite a lot broken down into small chunks so it didn’t take too much effort to get a sharp knife and chop down into as fine as bits as possible (you need to get it into as much of a powder form as you can). I carefully poured them into a mug, I probably lost a bit in the process of transfering from board to mug so was a bit less than 6 teaspoons). I put water into the kettle and some cold water in the jug. I boiled the kettle but didn’t fully boil it, just allowing to get the water fairly hot but not boiling. I poured a little into the mug, slowly stirring the cacao, then adding just a little cold water at a time to try to get the right consistency. It seemed quite thin so wasn’t really sure if I had done it correctly so stopped adding any water and added a very small amount of rose water and a small amount of cayenne pepper (maybe like quarter or less of teaspoon) I tasted it to see how it was and it was still very spicy! It was also very bitter so I added Stevia to make the taste sweeter and easier to drink.

I took the Cacao upstairs to our room and began to drink. I couldn’t drink it too quick because of the spice although the taste was actually quite nice the more you drank it!! I had to have a few sips of water as well. I then laid down with headphones to journey and managed to find a cacao ceremony playlist on Youtube which turned out to be perfect. I set my intent to journey with the spirit of Cacao. I was really surprised for the first time ever I experienced Cacao really deeply and I hadn’t even been sure I had made it correctly! Within a few minutes I felt deep healing around my heart, bringing emotions to the surface with tears. There was a block here and Cacao explained to me it was a huge build up of many years of self abuse from words of self hatred and put down’s etc. I could also truly feel the connection between the heart and the womb space. I was told as I do a lot of womb healing for women, it was time now for me to clear my heart more as well as my womb so I can go even deeper with my work.

I felt deep in the journey but also very much in my body. The journey was mostly about feeling. I could feel deep healing in my solar plexus and my throat. I did see the blue light of my throat chakra and also saw myself being cleansed in waters. I had a strong urge to dance but kept it to feet tapping and mild movements as I was laying down. I started having a strong urge to write, so I came out of the journey, wrote two poems and wrote my experience. I made prayers of thanks and ended the ceremony.

If that was Day 1 I am looking forward to the rest of this week!

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