Moonlight Phoenix has risen

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August 17 Look Back

a bit late this time (nearly 2 weeks later than I planned to write)! but I am here now!

Here is how I did with my focus and intents for the year during August

Happiness/Divine Feminine/Balance- did a lot more ‘happy’ things this month, carried on with all the divine feminine work I’ve been doing and generally over the month things were fairly balanced.

cook more- I did cook chilli once or twice lol

to have new experiences and visit new places- went to the Victoria Albert Museum to see a Pink Floyd exhibition and also went to a vegan restaurant hadn’t been before ‘Temple of Seitan’

step fully into my role as a healer- started more people on the Munay Ki path

activism- again none sadly

better at birthdays- no

finish my lists- few bits ticked off again

update on giving up the pill- now 5 months, and it hasn’t settled yet like I thought last month, I had a really long cycle this time of 41 days!! This made me really stressed that probably didn’t help. I’ve now switched to a Red Moon cycle (bleeding with/near the full moon)

make more time for creativity- not really

to live to my cycle and educate others- did still try to live to cycle and I did the Red Tent this month and we talked about cycle tracking

What else happened and what I got up to:

Shamanic group of course! (which is now ending 😦 ) I think the sessions were crystal healing and the other one Sarah and I did a healing ceremony for the group and we worked with oracle cards.

I met up with my friend Sherry for the first time in ages and we had a few drinks in a local pub and had a really good catch up.

I went to a Goddess circle on the full moon with my friends Maria, Carina and Vicky, more friends I hadn’t seen for ages and it was a lovely night. There was a share, we did a ritual outside under the full moon, made clay goddesses and received drumming healing.

I started my shamanic group sisters Martina, Sarah and Tahlee on the Munay Ki path (it got better the more I did it)

It was Miguel and I’s anniversary, 8 years married and 15 years together ❤ so that was the day we went to the Pink floyd exhibition (which was very cool) and the vegan restaurant was more a fast food place really, but all seitan ‘fried chicken’ it was really good!

I did the Red Tent, sadly only one person came but we had a good time and she enjoyed what I taught her about.

 

September we’re already half way, but in a week I’m stepping onto the medicine wheel proper- eeeeeeppp!

 

 

 

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Why I’m not an Angry Vegan…

Recently I have felt inspired to write a blog about this.

I am a vegan and I have been vegan for eleven and a half years now. I am vegan primarily for animal rights reasons, as I truly believe animals are not here for our use, and all beings should be treated equally.

In all my time of being vegan I have met a lot of other vegans, vegetarians, and of course many many meat eaters, some who take pleasure in making sarcastic comments or asking what I would do in hypothetical scenarios which are extremely unlikely to happen. I’ve also met people who are simply curious and ask genuine questions and try to understand the choice I’ve made.

There is a certain type of vegan, some would say ‘militant’  , I would say ‘angry’.

An angry vegan often tends to have a very bitter world view, perhaps despising the human race, quite possibly may have cut all ties with anyone in their life who eats meat. Yells obscenities at anyone who doesn’t agree with them.

Now don’t get me wrong. They have got a right to be angry. The world is cruel. Animals suffer. Badly. and in all sorts of ways, from the meat and dairy industry, to animal “entertainment” to animal testing on cosmetics and medicine, to fur farming, hunting, I could go on and on. and Yes, all those things make me angry too.

I have been on many protests about almost all of those things and more. I haven’t so much recently but not because I don’t want to. I do believe protests and actions can make a huge difference, even if simply a passer by notices and it sparks something in them. To me, that is a small but great step to bringing a bit more compassion in the world. Protests are a great way to express the anger we feel.

I choose to protest but I choose not to be an Angry Vegan as part of my everyday life.

Why? Because for me veganism is about compassion.

Compassion is for ALL. So that means other humans as well as animals. I don’t believe that I will convince anyone else to be vegan by being angry with them. I want to show that you can be happy and healthy as vegan and I want to show that with my actions and my words. Yes I’ll certainly promote veganism where I can and I’ll discuss my points of view on my choices and animal rights issues. But there is no need for me to shout others down for not making the same choice as me. I’d rather show my choices by perhaps sharing food or talking about good organisations, by showing the positive sometimes not always the negative. That doesn’t mean I won’t share a petition or a video once in a while. I just choose to show compassion for ALL. Okay so maybe some of those people don’t show that same compassion. But my hope is that by always showing compassion to others, we can teach others to do the same, even if it does take time. There’s no need for me to fight.

so yes I’m very proud to be a non- angry, happy hippy vegan 🙂

 

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July 2017 look back

hello august…!

here’s how I did with goals and intentions during July..

Happiness/Divine Feminine/Balance- with regards to happiness, I did more in July so that made me feel happier.

Divine feminine still a lot of the same work I’ve been doing (it’s just so much a part of me now it just comes naturally) and I also read an amazing book during July called ‘Love Your Lady Landscape’ by Lisa Lister, which has even given me even more beautiful and powerful work to do. I really recommend this book to ALL women, it’s very powerful work but also written in a very light hearted and down to earth way which is so reassuring and comfortable, making it easy to understand even if you have never done anything spiritual related before.

Balance- think I was generally a bit more balanced than during June, emotionally and also between doing nothing and doing things.

still not cooked more (not doing well on that one oops)

to have new experiences and visit new places- I went to Blackjacks which is kind of near to London one weekend for a retreat, I had never been there and it was a very beautiful place with a river, geese roaming around, beautiful trees, parakeets and dragonflies ❤ it was to take part in a ceremony called The Long dance. Half the night you dance anti clockwise to release negativity from yourself and the earth, and the other half you dance clockwise to bring positivity in to yourself and the earth. It’s incredibly powerful and started a deep healing process in me.  I also gave Munay Ki for the first time.

step fully into my role as a healer- no clients, but I did one womb healing at the Long Dance weekend, and 6 womb healings at another retreat I went to. also gave munay ki for first time so that comes under this as well.

activism- none unfortunately

better at birthdays- no

finish my lists- a few odd bits done

update on giving up the pill- it’s now been 4 months, I felt maybe my cycle is starting to settle a bit as I was back to 28 days.  so far they have been 29, 30, 33 and 28 days. I’m also resonating more deeply with the archetypes now. I can only describe it as somehow feeling more ‘real’

make more time for creativity- we made a banner of painted prayers for the long dance but other than that I didn’t really

to live to my cycle and educate others- thinking I am doing more so. sadly I had to cancel the Red Tent as I wasn’t sure anyone was going to turn up and it was a bit much to go to London without knowing for sure. I did a lot of womb healings during the two retreats I went to.

what else happened and what I got up to:

in shamanic course we learnt an icaro (medicine song) and burnt away roles we have taken on, and a journey called the spirit boat journey which is quite an active meditation, as you are literally imagining you are on a boat and using paddles

went to the Long Dance (as well as doing one healing myself, I also had 4 on myself, it brought up a lot for me)

did my first part one of Munay Ki for one of my free gift ones which went well i think, but think I will get better

another weekend retreat in St Osyth, the magical garden, a very epic weekend of healing myself and others

So August….facebook and twitter break (other than red tent promotion and keeping up to date with shamanic group work), more munay ki, more shamanic group work, worldwide womb blessing, wedding anniversary, red tent…so let’s see how it goes!

 

 

 

 

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June 2017 Look back

beyond the half way point of the year and have to admit I am finding this year hard…So many things have happened and my emotions have been running high…I hope I can find some solace soon…

but anyway here is here I got on with my goals for the year during the month of June..

Happiness/Divine Feminine/Balance- did do a few small things that made me happy but it’s never for long at the moment..

still haven’t cooked more..

to have new experiences and visit new places- I went on an organised butterfly walk and I hadn’t done that before..

step fully into my role as a healer- no clients at all 😦

activism- started sending news bits to Animal Justice project. My first news article is here

be better at birthdays- no

finish my lists- no

update on giving up the pill- it’s now 3 months since I stopped, this time I got quite stressed as I didn’t bleed until after 33 days. It’s still very light but not very painful. I think partly stress made me start later but also I turned 33 a few days before so maybe there’s something in the number…

make more time for creativity- sort of. I did ’30 Days Wild’ again this year so I was posting a photo every day on Instagram.

to live to my cycle and educate others- I had the 2nd red tent, which went better, I had 4 women turn up, I gave them ‘cauldron energisers’ (womb energiser), we did womb journalling questions, and a meditation for empowerment.

What else happened and I got up to:

I think I mentioned last month that I had some ‘big’ homework from the shamanic group I’m in to do city vision quests, where you had to walk in each direction and have certain questions in mind to find the answers to. I did the last 2 directions of those so that was very interesting.

I voted…

Red Tent..

had a whole horrible situation with our cat Mitzi…I wrote in previous blog so I won’t go over that again…but no longer have any cats 😦

I had organised a social here in Southend for the shamanic groups only a few days later but sadly only one person showed up…although it was a nice day..

I had some time off as it was my birthday..My friend Lauren treated me to a meal at The oaktree which was lovely (I had a lasagne and an icecream sundae), I sorted out some bits at home I needed to do, I went to see my friend Helene’s choir at Leigh Folk festival, went to a summer solstice ritual at hockley woods and on my birthday I went for organised butterfly walk at Belfairs woods which was brilliant, we saw 14 species of butterfly ❤ also had a private yoga lesson.

so July…two shamanic weekends away coming and starting to give the munay ki…

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Mitzi

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It really saddens me that I am already writing another sad post. Nearly a week ago now we had to say goodbye to our other dear cat, Mitzi.

We got Mitzi probably about 6 months after we got Roxie and it seems they left us almost 6 months apart as well. Mitzi had been with us almost as long as Roxie. We picked her out of a friend’s litter as the slightly strange one.

Mitzi had a totally different personality to Roxie. Mitzi didn’t like to be picked up (apart from by Miguel and even that was fairly shortlived mostly) and was quite fussy about who could pay attention to her and about her food. She was a very healthy cat apart from having an allergy to fleas and having problems with too much wax in her ears for a little while.

As she got older, she mellowed out somewhat and liked more attention. When Roxie went, she became even more vocal (she was quite vocal before), didn’t mind being picked up so much anymore, would want a LOT of attention and would cry sometimes in the night. She had a funny personality as she occasionally would have a moment where she would just go crazy for a few moments, or do silly things like trying to chase a rock around on the balcony!

It was a totally different situation this time as it had been for Roxie, as Mitzi had been very healthy. Sadly she had an accident that turned out to be fatal in the end. She got her tail caught in our balcony door and part of her tail came right off. I was totally ignorant as I thought the vets would probably just bandage her up or something (she seemed totally okay other than the small bit of bone poking out at the end of her tail) but then he said she would need a tail amputation and because of her age (14 so classed as elderly) she would need quite a lot of other things to help her through the operation, he quoted me £1300! My face dropped as we had nowhere near that amount of money. He was very nice and called some other vets for me, but it was all too expensive. He said  he would give her a couple of injections and that I would have 24 hours to do something about it, to call round and see if I could get a cheaper quote or a payment plan (which wasn’t ideal for us right now either) as after 24 hours it would become an animal welfare issue. Or he said failing that he could do a cheaper operation which only uses a localised anaesthetic but there would be a very high risk attached of problems soon afterwards. I was a bit overwhelmed as I had gone on my own thinking it would be something simple.

so obviously I had to break all this to Miguel and we had to think really seriously about it, we didn’t want there to be more risks, and not only was a payment plan not possible for us right now but at Mitzi’s age it would have been very difficult for her to go through all this trauma and perhaps not be able to live her last remaining years to the fullest, so we had to speak to a few other people first to get other opinion’s but sadly in the end we had to make the hardest decision of them all to have her put to sleep, we had to put Mitzi’s comfort first. So the following day we spent a lot of time saying goodbye before we took her to the vets again. Our friend Roberta took us to Two Tree Island again and she is now with Roxie again.

I have found it so hard as now the flat is empty and yesterday was the first day I hadn’t cried since last Friday but I know I’m not finished yet. But I am trying to comfort myself with my memories of what a lovely cat she was ❤ and that she is now able to run free on the rainbow bridge..

 

 

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May 17 Look Back

Half way through the year already…not quite sure how that’s happened, and I haven’t even done that much! (although Summer looks busy)

How I did with my goals and intentions through May

Happiness/Balance/Divine Feminine- mostly doing the same as previous months, although think I am finding a bit more balance.

still haven’t cooked more…

to have new experiences and visit new places- I did my first Red Tent in Hackney Wick so that was a new experience (more info later in post), and also did the first part of a ‘city vision quest’ which I was set as homework for the shamanic group.

step fully into my role as a healer- One person who had a womb healing and a blessing. I’ve started offering my 5 free Munay Ki Initiations, part of my promise of getting the rites, it’s only taken me 2 years to consider giving them!

Activism- well I did at least email The Animal Justice Project as I saw a post on Instagram that they were looking for bloggers, and after a few emails I’ve agreed to help write up news for them. So at least it’s a small bit of activism that I can do around work!

be better at birthdays- no

finish my lists- still very slowly ticking things off..

update on giving up the pill- it’s now been just over 2 months since I stopped the pill and I’ve had my second natural period. The first one was after 29 days (1 day longer than before) and the second came after 30 days, bang on the New Moon! Both times only lasted three days and were very light. There are still cramps but they seem less intense. The only difference I noticed this time was some harder emotional days beforehand, having a few days where I felt on the edge of crying all day but for no good reason. I am noticing my cycle is changing and the archetypes are moving and evolving to the difference.

make more time for creativity- not lots, but did watch a few creative videos, made a couple of small collages and two ‘found’ poems

to live to my cycle and educate others- very much so, you still can’t shut me up about this! I can’t remember if I said before but I now have a Divine Feminine altar I change every week to reflect the archetype I’m in, and I have set up a folder for my cycle tracking so that all my entries go together, so I’ll be able to look back all at ‘Day 1’ for example in one place and notice the similarities/differences straight away

What I got up to in May:

I had a few days holiday but I can’t remember what I did, mostly stuff at home I think, and visited my parents.

I had my first Red Tent in Hackney Wick and it was a hard start, as the overground wasn’t working that day, thanks to West Ham football being on, then only 2 women showed up so I couldn’t even pay half the room hire fee. But one of the women was someone I hadn’t seen for five years so that was nice, and we had a really lovely time I think. Next one is June 11th

I helped Miguel with a Munay Ki session by giving the 13th rite, the rite of the womb

I met up with my old Holland and Barrett manager Nathan for a coffee, he’s now a teacher and doing really well

Obviously I’ve been to shamanic group too, the last session we went to the woods and did journeying with the trees, and before that we learnt how to do extractions.

So not a very busy month but June and July look to be different.

June is looking like this so far: voting, next Red tent, a friends birthday party, shamanic group social, my birthday 🙂

 

 

 

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Roxie

So it’s now been just over four months since our very dear cat Roxie went to the rainbow bridge. I’ve been wanting to blog about her for a long time since it happened, but it hit me hard and it’s taken me a long time to feel like I was at a space where I could write about her without feeling the pain. Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts, but the hurting is less as I’m now accepting that she is no longer part of our lives.

little roxie (2)

I can’t remember the exact date we got Roxie, but I think I was about 20 years old when we got her (I’m nearly 33 now). She was a surprise. We were thinking of getting a cat but hadn’t really been looking properly just yet when my old school friend Leigh Anne one day turned up with this fluffy bundle at our doorstep and said she was ours. Roxie was a long haired tabby cat with an extremely fluffy tail that was like a squirrel’s. She didn’t have a name yet and Miguel let me choose. I was still doing my radio show ‘Pigtails and Army Boots’ at the time so I wanted to name her after a female musician, so I named her Roxie after the singer Roxy Saint.

little roxienmitzi

It was only a few months later that we got another cat, through a colleague of Miguel’s. Her cat had just had kittens and she was looking for new homes, knowing I would love a black cat, we went and picked one out. I remember her being a little shyer than the others, but we both decided she was the one. As I had named Roxie, Miguel could name this little bundle and she became Mitzi.

At first they didn’t get along at all! and we completely ignored the rule book and didn’t put them separate or anything. Eventually the scrapping died down and they became reluctant friends.

Roxie and Mitzi became part of the family.  If you wanted to be friends with us, you had to make friends with them too! Mitzi was (not so much now but more on that later) much her own cat, you couldn’t pick her up (apart from Miguel) and she rarely sat on laps, and was also very fussy about food. Roxie was the complete opposite. She loved attention, would jump on laps at any opportunity and loved her food!

I don’t know if it was because I named her or some coincidence but it always felt like somehow Roxie was more ‘my’ cat than Miguel’s. There was some bond there that I can’t explain.

Roxie and Mitzi were with us through all sorts of transitions, moving homes several times, difficult times, and good times including when we got married. I’ve never had children and this was the closest thing I’ve ever had.

A lot of people say that cats don’t care, are not very loving as so independent. My experience is different. Yes to some degree they are certainly independent and can take care of themselves, but our cats have always shown affection and love, and Roxie sure did.

It hit me so hard when she had to be put to sleep back in December, it really was like losing a family member. I’ve lost pets before, but this time it was different, Roxie was ‘mine’ not a family pet and we had watched her grow up, and unfortunately saw her get very ill right at the end. I’m so glad we could bury her in a lovely spot on Two Tree Island overlooking Hadleigh Castle. I’m also so grateful to our friend Sherry who helped us out so much that day.  I will always remember her for what a truly beautiful loving cat she was. Her chaos in the morning when food was imminent, her big fluffy tail and the many, many cuddles.

Mitzi is still with us of course and I think she misses Roxie somewhat still, she’s become much more of a lap cat now (although still not too fond of being picked up) and sometimes she cries in the night, (and is perfectly fine if we come to check). I’m not sure if it’s because she misses Roxie’s company (despite their love/hate relationship I think there was some level of love there) or whether she senses her spirit. She won’t sit in a certain spot where Roxie always used to sit, and sometimes we could swear we see her.

Wherever you are now Roxie, know that we will always remember and love you ❤

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April 17 Look Back

how my goals and intentions went in April:

Balance/Happiness/Divine Feminine- not too much change on this, still doing the same things balance/divine feminine wise, and haven’t done much to make myself happy really

still haven’t cooked more!

to have new experiences and visit new places- well I experienced an energetic ‘funeral’ and visited a park in Hackney Wick I hadn’t seen before.

step fully into my role as a healer- I did two womb healings and one womb blessing

activism- still not possible unfortunately

be better at birthdays- no major birthdays this month

finish my lists- ticked a few more small things off!

give up the pill- I’d done this last month but a brief update- now been just over a month and I had my first natural period after 29 days! so only a day later than normal, and then it was only 3 days instead of 5! It was also less painful, interestingly. I had a few up/down days but not many really, so the transition has been surprisingly easy 🙂

make more time for creativity- not really

to live to my cycle and educate others- yes still doing my best to do this but it’s changing a little because I no longer take hormones, so I’m kind of relearning.

 

What I got up to in April:

I hosted my final Southend based women’s circle, and had 5 women show up! (isn’t that just typical lol) it was actually really beautiful and emotional, as we all expressed gratitude for what the group had given us. and it felt the right and honourable way to close the circle, so I was really happy with that.

Obviously still been going to the shamanic circle and we are in the West direction at the moment which is all about facing fears, and it’s been very interesting so far, and not at all what I expected in how it’s decided to play out in my life! At one of the sessions I took part in an energetic ‘funeral’ which was surreal, and made me realise how I will have no control in reality of what happens or what people feel at my funeral.

I also socialized with one of the other women from the group last week before the session, and we had a cup of tea and she showed me a big local park near by and we had a good chat so that was really nice.

I also made the decision to go on the ‘big’ wheel. that is, the ‘full’ proper version that Miguel has done, so I’ll be starting that in September, which will be  big thing, as I’ve been getting a lot of stuff come up from the ‘mini’ version so it could be very emotional and hard! but I’m sure it will be worth it. I think I will need it to help me clear things, before I can take what I think will be my next step on my path, to become a priestess.

that’s it for this month, in May I start the Red tent!

 

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March 17 Look Back

How can it be that we are already entering month four of the year??

here is what my March was like.

First how I’m doing with my goals and intentions for the year:

Balance/Happiness/Divine Feminine- balance was a bit better (most of the time) as I tried to live to my cycle but was not always possible due to other factors. Happiness, I did more that made me happy like going on a retreat and going to the cinema for the first time for years, but my moods have been all over the place to be honest. Divine feminine- have been carrying on with doing the womb healing on myself everyday, I went on a women’s retreat and I had a few clients for womb work.

To cook more- nope.

to have new experiences and visit new places- only experiences of a spiritual kind, like going on a rebirth journey at the retreat.

to do more of what makes me happy (see above)

to step fully into my role as a healer- I did one womb healing and two womb blessings. I have two blessings and a healing booked so far for April too! (I seem to be getting two womb blessings to do every month at the moment)

to do more activism- still no as actions seem to be when I’m working mostly 😦

be better at birthdays- there was no major birthdays but I took my mum to the cinema for Mother’s Day 🙂

finish my lists- ticked off a few more things 😉

give up the pill- I’ve done it! I’m now 9 days pill free. Still early days as obviously I would have had 7 days off anyway, my withdrawal bleed lasted about the same time it usually would but now I won’t when my first ‘proper’ bleed will come. So far I have had a lot of bloatedness and felt emotional today. I’ve been taking Maca powder to try and help balance my hormones.

make more time for creativity- I did write a few meditations this month

live to my cycle and educate others- yes still trying my best but hasn’t always been possible. For instant last week I was in my crone (bleeding) but I had to run the shop all week as my manager was away, so I couldn’t rest as much as I really needed 😦 damn life stuff getting in the way! now as I’ve come off the pill I’m going to have to relearn my cycles as I readjust to life without hormones.

What I got up to in March:

I booked time off the first weekend in case I could afford to go a women’s retreat a fellow moon mother was hosting in London alongside a female shamanic practitioner, and as fate would have, it was made possible for me to go! It turned out to be an amazing weekend, much more powerful than I had anticipated.

On the first day we worked with Maya the shamanic lady who led us through a rebirth journey, helped us to cleanse away old outworn feelings, and we spoke about our first menstruation and honoured each other. We made crowns and declared our ‘queendom’. On the Sunday, Mel, the moon mother led us through a day of working with the archetypes including a sound bath journey through each of the seasons which was amazing. The weekend was amazing, powerful and I made new friends and gained so much insight. So glad I went, I really needed it!

I’ve still been attending the shamanic circle and it has been great, really powerful work and making new connections too.

I took my mum to see the new Beauty and the Beast film which was brilliant, i cried several times!

Now to see what April will bring..

 

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Feb 17 look back

How the 2nd month of the year went for me..

first my goals and intentions:

Balance/Happiness/Divine Feminine: now I’ve been tracking my cycle for a few months I’m getting to know well what’s better for me in each week, and mostly I’ve been good at giving myself the space to live to this cyclic nature. Divine Feminine- I carried on with my daily energy exercise and self womb healing. I did two womb blessings and one womb healing. My circle in feb was about working with the archetypes. I also took part in the Worldwide Womb Blessing (and Miguel did The Gift)

To cook more- not done this yet

to have new experiences and visit new places- can’t think of anything specific

to do more of what makes me happy- well not that much really but been doing a lot more healing work

to step fully into my role as a healer- yes! did two womb blessings and a healing (only one on a gift or donation basis), I’ve booked another womb blessing and have replied to two other women that have contacted me about it

to do more activism- nothing yet

be better at birthdays- nothing special but I did message anyone I cared about who had a birthday in Feb!

finish my lists- haven’t had money to tick off much but ticked off a couple lol

give up the pill-1 month to go, but have been doing a lot of reading to prepare myself

make more time for creativity- yes! I made both my vision board and action board at last!

live to my cycle and educate others-ran a circle about it! as well as continuing my personal tracking and been mostly better at living to this

What I got up to:

another small group for my women’s circle but it was a good one I think learning about the archetypes of the women’s cycle

been going to the shamanic circle still and I’ve been starting to connect a bit more with the other people going, the last sessions have been about shamanic tools and plant medicine

I helped out at a Shamanic Healing Day with some of the money we made going to the Q’ero community in Peru to help towards building a community centre. We managed to raise £80

Our friend Rae visited after over a year, it was good to see them again!

We went to our friend maria’s for lunch, it was so good, and she is a lovely friend 🙂

 

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