Moonlight Phoenix has risen

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Roxie

So it’s now been just over four months since our very dear cat Roxie went to the rainbow bridge. I’ve been wanting to blog about her for a long time since it happened, but it hit me hard and it’s taken me a long time to feel like I was at a space where I could write about her without feeling the pain. Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts, but the hurting is less as I’m now accepting that she is no longer part of our lives.

little roxie (2)

I can’t remember the exact date we got Roxie, but I think I was about 20 years old when we got her (I’m nearly 33 now). She was a surprise. We were thinking of getting a cat but hadn’t really been looking properly just yet when my old school friend Leigh Anne one day turned up with this fluffy bundle at our doorstep and said she was ours. Roxie was a long haired tabby cat with an extremely fluffy tail that was like a squirrel’s. She didn’t have a name yet and Miguel let me choose. I was still doing my radio show ‘Pigtails and Army Boots’ at the time so I wanted to name her after a female musician, so I named her Roxie after the singer Roxy Saint.

little roxienmitzi

It was only a few months later that we got another cat, through a colleague of Miguel’s. Her cat had just had kittens and she was looking for new homes, knowing I would love a black cat, we went and picked one out. I remember her being a little shyer than the others, but we both decided she was the one. As I had named Roxie, Miguel could name this little bundle and she became Mitzi.

At first they didn’t get along at all! and we completely ignored the rule book and didn’t put them separate or anything. Eventually the scrapping died down and they became reluctant friends.

Roxie and Mitzi became part of the family.  If you wanted to be friends with us, you had to make friends with them too! Mitzi was (not so much now but more on that later) much her own cat, you couldn’t pick her up (apart from Miguel) and she rarely sat on laps, and was also very fussy about food. Roxie was the complete opposite. She loved attention, would jump on laps at any opportunity and loved her food!

I don’t know if it was because I named her or some coincidence but it always felt like somehow Roxie was more ‘my’ cat than Miguel’s. There was some bond there that I can’t explain.

Roxie and Mitzi were with us through all sorts of transitions, moving homes several times, difficult times, and good times including when we got married. I’ve never had children and this was the closest thing I’ve ever had.

A lot of people say that cats don’t care, are not very loving as so independent. My experience is different. Yes to some degree they are certainly independent and can take care of themselves, but our cats have always shown affection and love, and Roxie sure did.

It hit me so hard when she had to be put to sleep back in December, it really was like losing a family member. I’ve lost pets before, but this time it was different, Roxie was ‘mine’ not a family pet and we had watched her grow up, and unfortunately saw her get very ill right at the end. I’m so glad we could bury her in a lovely spot on Two Tree Island overlooking Hadleigh Castle. I’m also so grateful to our friend Sherry who helped us out so much that day.  I will always remember her for what a truly beautiful loving cat she was. Her chaos in the morning when food was imminent, her big fluffy tail and the many, many cuddles.

Mitzi is still with us of course and I think she misses Roxie somewhat still, she’s become much more of a lap cat now (although still not too fond of being picked up) and sometimes she cries in the night, (and is perfectly fine if we come to check). I’m not sure if it’s because she misses Roxie’s company (despite their love/hate relationship I think there was some level of love there) or whether she senses her spirit. She won’t sit in a certain spot where Roxie always used to sit, and sometimes we could swear we see her.

Wherever you are now Roxie, know that we will always remember and love you ❤

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April 17 Look Back

how my goals and intentions went in April:

Balance/Happiness/Divine Feminine- not too much change on this, still doing the same things balance/divine feminine wise, and haven’t done much to make myself happy really

still haven’t cooked more!

to have new experiences and visit new places- well I experienced an energetic ‘funeral’ and visited a park in Hackney Wick I hadn’t seen before.

step fully into my role as a healer- I did two womb healings and one womb blessing

activism- still not possible unfortunately

be better at birthdays- no major birthdays this month

finish my lists- ticked a few more small things off!

give up the pill- I’d done this last month but a brief update- now been just over a month and I had my first natural period after 29 days! so only a day later than normal, and then it was only 3 days instead of 5! It was also less painful, interestingly. I had a few up/down days but not many really, so the transition has been surprisingly easy 🙂

make more time for creativity- not really

to live to my cycle and educate others- yes still doing my best to do this but it’s changing a little because I no longer take hormones, so I’m kind of relearning.

 

What I got up to in April:

I hosted my final Southend based women’s circle, and had 5 women show up! (isn’t that just typical lol) it was actually really beautiful and emotional, as we all expressed gratitude for what the group had given us. and it felt the right and honourable way to close the circle, so I was really happy with that.

Obviously still been going to the shamanic circle and we are in the West direction at the moment which is all about facing fears, and it’s been very interesting so far, and not at all what I expected in how it’s decided to play out in my life! At one of the sessions I took part in an energetic ‘funeral’ which was surreal, and made me realise how I will have no control in reality of what happens or what people feel at my funeral.

I also socialized with one of the other women from the group last week before the session, and we had a cup of tea and she showed me a big local park near by and we had a good chat so that was really nice.

I also made the decision to go on the ‘big’ wheel. that is, the ‘full’ proper version that Miguel has done, so I’ll be starting that in September, which will be  big thing, as I’ve been getting a lot of stuff come up from the ‘mini’ version so it could be very emotional and hard! but I’m sure it will be worth it. I think I will need it to help me clear things, before I can take what I think will be my next step on my path, to become a priestess.

that’s it for this month, in May I start the Red tent!

 

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